Am I Enough?

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. Psalm 119:50

 

If I were to tell you being at home is so relaxing and comforting, I would be lying to you. It’s the 3470136 day of staying home.

 

This year has been so hard for me, losing my father, change after change at work, school ending early not saying bye to my babies. 2020 is not looking so great, to say I am so over this year would be an understatement. I’ve been so caught up in not trying to mourn the loss of everything that has happened to me this year, I lost myself. 

 

I lost the joy within myself and plastered a smile on my face to keep up with appearances and a I’m ok, burying myself in making sure everything around me was good and  drowning my sorrows in work and everything else that would keep my mind from feeling sorry for situations. I find myself wondering not when but where did the  spark go. The spark of joy, of understanding and somewhere along the way faith.

 

 Have I lost my faith, of course I haven’t. It’s not a struggle to lose faith to a God who has done so much for me. I feel…stuck. I know God has a purpose and a plan.I’m trying, I really am trying to sit still in listen to what God has to say. Is it possible to want something so bad and try hard, so hard for something and it doesn’t come. 

 

Am I enough for God? I’ve been listening to Pastor Steven Furtick’s sermons from Elevation Church and Elevation Worship music  since I’ve been home. His sermons have a way of letting me know God is listening to my prayers and he sees me. Awhile back he had a sermon about being enough, He said Christ is in me. I am enough, that God is going to use the things about me to control them for greater grace to be released in my life. I am loved, chosen and wanted. There is something significant in me. He then said something that let me know it’s ok to be stuck, it means that I’m on the verge of something significant. God has his hand on my life but not to stop, I’m only stuck, if I stop. 

 

I know God hears me. He knows what I want before I even speak it. He hears the tears, the anger and the thankfulness that come with each of my prayers. 

 

So I’ve learned to stop thinking I’ll be at home forever, I’m just passing through. My heart will heal. Don’t confuse a season for trials for a lifetime of tribulations. I will grow, life will change, and things will work out for the glory of God.

 

 I leave you with this: Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough. 


 



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