Finding my first love and finding me!

 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

When I was in high school I remember in Sunday school, my brother-in-law Joe always talking about when ever you get older, no matter what happens in your life, no matter what struggles you go through and who you meet, you always come back to your first love. My immature 16 year self never got the concept of that. Why would you ever come back to your first love, if you break-up and and meet new people,but boy was I wrong sitting here in front of this computer I can honestly say I was so dumb, Joe was not talking about love that you have for another human being, your first boyfriend but God's love;God's unconditional love. Throughout the last years in high school and in college I've been going through my own journey to find myself. Let me tell you, it's been a pretty easy road when you have God on your side. Although, I do not claim to be perfect or know everything but I know that with God all things all possible. I have tried to keep my eyes focused on that narrow road that so few walk through. I want one day to hear those words: “Well done, good and faithful servant enter into the joy of your Master” (Matthew 25:21). Yes, I have many things happen in my life,  some good, some bad but I know that God gives me NOTHING that I can't handle. I would always tell my mom I had bad luck. When I was fifteen the milestone of any Hispanic girl that transitions her to young girl to woman wasn't such a joyous occasion for me, that summer my Uncle Ricky died, when I was senior in high school my Uncle Jesse died. but you see even though those are difficult lessons in life, God also gives you happy endings. The summer of my senior year Amanda and Joe got married and had a big extravagant wedding. ( I just love weddings) I think it was something we all needed. My high school years were nothing out of the ordinary, it was nothing compared to those high schools that you watch on TV. I had my group of friends since middle school, one or two from elementary. We entered a school were I thought it was cool to know the big kids( my sister was senior, when I was freshman). I had the smart classes with my friends ( I was proud to be a nerd and still to this day) and learned that  we really didn't have lockers outside and didn't have our own salad bar(man those Hollywood movies, that's the part I was looking forward to in high school). I met new people, lost touch with old friends but all in all my freshman year was OK. My sophomore year I began to change a bit my sister was gone, and I was allowed to make mistakes without anyone telling Amanda ( I was NO troublemaker). Courses were easy and laid back maybe cause I had all the lazy teachers that made you teach yourself. I began to notice that all my friends were getting their boyfriends, starting to wear wear make-up and straightening their hair out with the iron(back then they didn't know about the chi or and flat iron  for that fact). I looked at myself  I was an awkward four eyed, uni brow frizzy curly hair girl ( I really hope I have a picture to show you all) Boys were not on my mind at all, and that was the end of my sophomore year. Junior year was heavier course work, studying, Dr. Reed (if any one took her  you know I feel, I had her after lunch. GROSS!)I wasn't in the same classes as my friends although we took the same teachers are periods were different. It was the year I had to pass the TAKS test to  graduate the following year. Their wasn't really cute guys at my school you could actually count them on your fingers. My junior year I lost the glasses, the unibrow, and the puffiness of my hair ( I still have the frizz and curls, but I know how to manage it now)It was the year of Growing Up Gotti on A&E ( if ever you read this Soraida you now exactly what I'm talking about). I was so in love with the middle brother John Gotti Agnello. I remember the show came on every Monday and I would run to tell Soraida what happened on the show the next day. I remember Tuesday morning, when I was so excited to tell Soraida what happened the night before, she had a surprise waiting for me. She had printed out pictures of the guys(she was in love with the older brother). I also remember every morning we would go to Mr. Avila's class to hang out. A couple of guys would play Pokemon or Yui-gi-oh, their was this one freshmen who happened to know about the hangout spot in the morning. I remember him walking over and start talking to Soraida, and her showing him the pictures of the brothers and her saying I like this one and Ashley likes this one. I don;t know what I was doing but all I remember was Soraida telling him "don't say that, that's so mean.Don't ever talk about her like that, you don't even know her. and with that he left.When he was out of sight I asked her what he said. She didn't want to tell me ( I was getting a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach). i said come on it can;t be that bad, she ignored me and asked me to proceed in telling her the summary of the show. I said Soraida please tell me you're killing me here. (NOTE: I have NEVER told anybody this,so close friends and family members this is the first time you will be hearing about this) She said Ashley are you sure. Yes I'm sure. Well he told me I don't know why she's so  obsessed  with that guy, it's like she's ever going to meet them, and if she did he won't even glance her way, she's ugly and fat and I'm not even joking ( and other things which I dare not say)Just as she finished I sat their looking at her in awe, tears rolling down my face I've always felt ugly and for someone to confirm I didn't know what to do. She tried to comfort me, but no matter what she said she wasn't the one that was called ugly and fat. and that was the end of my Junior year. ( I did pass the TAKS yay and survived Dr. Reed double yay). My last year in high I was a big ole' SENIOR. I didn't have senoiritis. I knew this was the last time I was going to see some of my friend, and wish that I wasn't going to loose contact with others (and I did well with one I haven't.)You learn who you will make lifetime friendships with and create memories for the years to come. It was filled with sadness and happiness ( No more school). It created a feeling of pride knowing you were going to the big people school now. I did have wonderful teachers and  I did have  teachers  I dreaded going to class. I had Mrs. Braziel  in some way she is in a category of her own. I had Ashley J. who I have been best friends since middle school when we played red rover, red rover before school began and was willing to defend me against the mean people she was in some way my bodyguard. (We had the quad  lol). I had Kristy and Soraida since I also known middle school, but life goes on and people and circumstances change. I had Sarah who was my  friend from church who we would laugh at anything and everything(and we still do)  and I had my senior prom, the one day that I truly felt beautiful. (maybe it was the make-up and the straightening of the hair-thanks Amanda)It all comes to an end though. The make up washes away, the jewelry gets lost, and friendships end, but at the very moment I learned to come back to your first love. As of right now I can tell you yes,  when  I look in the mirror I wish I was prettier, a few pounds lighter and so many other flaws that's wrong with me, I have to take it day by day.  I am learning that I AM MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD, and he made me just the way I am. ( now I have that Selena Gomez song stuck in my head.)and for that I am very, very grateful.

Blessings
Ashley

My junior year

Ashley and Ashley our junior year



9th grade I pretty much looked like this till my sophomore year



Kristy and I at prom

Me graduating and in the corner you can see Ashley as our valedictorian YAY!

Me at prom oh how I miss my long hair

Us at prom

Earth Day



Freashman-Sophomore year



Soraida and Kristy