Dear Ashley, 10 Years Later...






What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly. -E.H.

I can’t believe it…. 315,569,260 seconds, 5,259,600 minutes, 10 years since I graduated high school. 10 years since I walked the hallways.  10 years since I said good-bye to the people who were my friends. We had the teacher everyone hated going to, especially after lunch and the teacher everyone loved to go to. The teachers who we wondered why they become teachers, the ones who gave so much homework because you were in the AP classes, and those teachers who have you an A just because you showed up to class. It was up to you to maintain your A and we watched Godzilla for the whole semester. I remember having a high school crush my senior year and he never noticed, I remember walking upstairs to my locker just to talk to him and drag my friend with me because I was embarrassed to go by myself.

I was reminded 10 years passed when one of my friends from high school posted a picture what she would have told herself 10 years ago.  

So here it goes…

I’ve always wondered what if. What if I would have gone away to a four-year college? What if I could have left home? What if I took that leap of faith and did what every normal high school graduate did? The  what if’s and the should have’s, have the power to haunt you if you let them. We worry at such a young age what people think of us and worry so little of what we and God think about us.  I would rather have a life filled with oh wells than what ifs’. I took the risk, I took the fall and it was all worth it. I have endured, I have been broken, I know hardship, I will not forget the harsh lesson I took not going away because it has taught me several lifelong lessons. When those what if moments come along to taunt me, I’m reminded of everything I have gained and lost from not following my what if’s. If I would have gone to college, I would have never started working. I wouldn’t have meet these people who I now consider friends-families. We have laughed, cried, broken barriers, loved, and lost. They are the reason I’m slowly breaking out of my shell. They allow me to make my own mistakes and guide me. Even though, we come from different backgrounds they never cease to love me for me.  I say yes to everything, let people take advantage of me, which I know they hate, but they never let me completely fall. I know once I do, they will be there to catch me.  Our circle is close very, VERY close.  It’s our escape from others we share are secrets, happiness, sadness, and what upsets us. I wouldn’t have had that if I went away.  I wouldn’t have a bond with my nieces and nephew. They wouldn’t even know me for the first couple of years. I would have missed every early milestone in their life. Would I be this close to them? I wouldn’t have gone on mission trips. I couldn’t have met Toño. Toño, an eight-year boy who showed me what God’s love is. Even though I know I might not ever see him again I know he is out there and remembers that God love him and that I pray for him everyday. They are days when my mother asks why didn’t I go. I have asked myself that question millions of times. It’s simple, I have gained so much more than any college could have given me. Do I regret it? the days when I’m up at 1 in the morning trying to finish an essay, I do. I see most of the people I went to high school already have graduate going on their second, third degree, but I have to stop myself and realize it’s what I choose to do. It’s the choice that I made and I shouldn’t regret it. I know that God has a special plan for me, that till this day continues to unfold. I’ve always loved school and got good grades and know I would have done the same in college but life doesn't  give second chances it only gives one, and that one you have to life to the fullest.  I’ve learned that sometimes on the way to a dream you get lost and find a better one.



So what would I tell 17-year-old Ashley,
 1. God has you exactly where you should be.
2. Explore
3. Stay close to God
4. Love
5. Forgive
6. Say No
7. Believe in Yourself, Stand Up for what you believe
8. Everyone changes
9. Life is exactly how God wants it to be
10. You are ENOUGH!






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